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The path to healing

A primer to healing

Author: Ma. Lourdes Carandang and Beatrix Aileen Sison
Publisher: Anvil Publishing Inc., 2004
(available in National Bookstore)

I am not a psychologist and do not purport to be an expert on guidance and counseling. This book came recommended by a family therapist, who said that it gives a simple but comprehensive look at the cycle of abuse in Filipino families. And indeed, that is what the book intends to do. It is a primer for “all families,” which provides an “in-depth understanding of child abuse and the dynamics of family violence.” The authors, who are multi-awarded therapist-researchers, as well as teachers from Ateneo de Manila University, Miriam College, and the University of the Philippines, provide a training manual for the “prevention of family violence,” which they developed based on a project conducted from 1998-2000 among families suffering from physical, sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse. Thus, the cases they present are real and urgent; the language easy to understand. The chapter on “Alternative and Nonviolent Ways of Dealing with Family Conflicts” is presented in simple numbered lists in both Filipino and English, e.g. “Pag may bisita, huwag pagalitan ang bata sa harap nila. Don’t get mad at the child in front of a visitor.” In addition, the book provides rich appendices that the therapist can use along with the manual. It includes meditations, the script of a radio play depicting a typical abusive family, and a list of “100 Ways to Beat Stress.”

The book works around the central idea that the family is a system, and thus, “ang sakit ng kalingkingan ay nararamdaman ng buong katawan;” and that the beliefs and behavior from our families of origin can be changed or repeated. For example, a man may not physically beat his wife and children, but if he believes, as his father did, that a woman’s place is in the home, this “family myth” can be used to justify other forms of abuse within the home. It emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and active participation in the process. The training methodology includes lecture, small group sharing, journal writing, and big group discussions.

I must admit I had high expectations of the book. Especially because the stakes are high for me. It was given to me so that I would become conscious of how these cycles of abuse can be repeated and thus not put my children through what I did. And perhaps that is too high a bar for a book that calls itself a “primer.” However, in their introduction, the authors, who have extensive clinical experience and are well-known experts in the field, explain that “this handbook attempts not just to prune the leaves but also to cut the roots of family violence.” I have to disagree from a personal standpoint. How can a simplistic list of “dos and don’ts” even come close to the roots of abuse? How can advising the family to join parish activities, revive the 6 p.m. prayer habit, go to Mass every Sunday address the specific needs of a child who has been sexually molested by her own father? While most of the advice the book gives are simple enough to follow, they only “prune the leaves.” The authors discuss “resiliency factors” like the child’s inner strength and emotional intelligence, but it’s like hitching your hopes on the moon. Shouldn’t the psychologist have a deeper and more realistic approach to what goes on in the mind of an abused child? Sure, we survive our childhoods, we grow up; but we walk around like open wounds.

Moreover, the cases presented are all of families who are poor and uneducated. Does that mean that family violence does not exist among the wealthy and educated? Do the poor have a monopoly on primitive and stereotypical beliefs about women and children? Or is this the bias of the research?

The book is an important text for those who are interested in short-cuts. But if you want a deeper insight into how to heal abused children (whether it is your own inner child or others), it may be more helpful to read pop psychologist Susan Forward’s Toxic Parents: Overcoming their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life or even Kathie Carlson’s feminist “bible” In Her Image. # Jhoanna Lynn B. Cruz for NORDIS

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